Monday, November 10, 2008

Struggling

Honesty brings out a lot of demons. No wonder we walk through life faking it. Otherwise, most of us would be a wreck.

It's easier to play a role. You can be a champion today, if you put on the right mask. "Today, I'm going to take on the world, and nothing is going to stop me." and "It's a new day!" and "God loves me when I'm cheerful and doing his work.".

Ugh.

When that doesn't work, there are other roles to play. "I am a victim. The world is against me. Oh well, I (dramatic pause)... guess that's just the way it is...".

Right now, in my full-disclosure role, I'm really struggling. Someone knows most of my shit, and it's not fun. Not fun at all.

There is nowhere to hide anymore, and I welcome the struggle.

Getting honest with yourself isn't about therapy. If it was all about me, then it's just more self-centered garbage. Getting honest is about getting yourself in a position of vulnerability, so you can help others realize they're dealing with a lot of the same stuff you're dealing with, that you know it, and you're calling them out on it.

So, I'm struggling today. Um, nothing else to say but that. A reminder for me the next time I visit my blog again... you know... when I'm not struggling because I'm faking it again.

2 comments:

Fayola said...

Ah ha...just read your comment and now I see the context. Well good for you! We're all messed up behind the masks...grace and peace to you on this journey, bro. Take it one day at a time.

smokin joe said...

hey Marcos ... I know the feeling ... been there, done that, still doing it after about 4 or 5 years ... its tough but it is worth it. hang in there buddy!