Monday, November 28, 2011

Cuba

In the days leading up to my next trip, some time to reflect is in order.  

We have 1 goal with this trip... to build friendships with those God puts in our paths and to share the truth of the gospel with them.  I hope I can give a reason for the hope that lies within me; the hope that this world of politics, cash, materialism, one-upmanship,  communism, capitalism, liberalism, conservatism and religion is not all there is. There is more to this broken world, and it has nothing to do with me and my happiness.  It has everything to do with Christ and his finished work of redemption.

I reflected today on Spurgeon's Morning and Evening. "He who blesses others cannot fail to be blessed himself. On the other hand, to seek our own personal greatness is a wicked and unhappy plan of life, its way will be grievous and its end will be fatal."

Specifically, I pray today that I can take my focus off my own "personal greatness" by thinking I can make a difference.  I can't make a difference.  Only Christ can as we make ourselves available to accept his grace and love... isn't that crazy?  Yet, it's the only thing that makes sense, if I'm being honest. If I'm lying to myself about who I am... yeah it's crazy because of course, I can make a difference because I'm a "good person".  I really pray this week and going into next week when I'm in Havana, that I will be able to strip myself every minute of the "good person" label.  





Monday, July 11, 2011

No Reservations - Cuba, Reflections from a Cuban American

What it's all about... Family. Here cousins meeting for the first time in Santiago de las Vegas
Okay. So right off the bat, kudos to Bourdain for being one of the first shows EVER about Cuba where the embargo wasn't mentioned even once.
I watched the episode tonight with a group of friends. In the room, 2 other guys who went with me on our 2009 trip. I liked the episode. I liked it, because I love this show and I love Cuba. I thought Bourdain handled it with a lot of class. I believed him when he said those wonderful things about the Cuban people, and once again as always, he has proven himself to be a pretty honest guy. My hats off to Anthony from this Cuban-American for a job well done.
I met with my buddies on the back porch for some cigars following the show. Among the group were 3 Cuban-Americans including myself, and 3 Gringos. As we puffed on our Nicaraguan and Dominican cigars, drank Chilean beer and Australian Port (yes... Australian), we thought about what we had just seen. The baseball. The restaurants. The cars. The baseball. The buildings. The baseball.
And we all concluded the same thing. The show didn't tell us much about Cuba. It was like "the baseball episode" or something. Something was missing, or better said, some things were allowed to be shown while others weren't. But that's the way Cuba is, and it's definitely not a reflection on the guys bringing us No Reservations. Even when you go, when you are right there on the island smelling the air and walking around Havana, there is a cloud that obfuscates everything. That's the way it is. You only see what you are allowed to see. You only do what you are allowed to do. And (I believe) if you are filming for international television, you only speak with those you are allowed to speak with.
This is the point where some naysayers would scoff and say "It's not like that. Cuba has changed and it never really was that bad anyway."
Well, they are wrong. I was there. I was there in 2009 from the outside looking in. I can tell you with no reservations (yeah I said it) that it is indeed that way. If it was like that for a ragtag church group trying to do missions work, I can't imagine how it would be for a high profile TV show. There is only so much you can do in Cuba. I'm sure there is only so much you can film in Cuba.
Understanding this, I look back on the No Reservations Cuba episode and I'm satisfied knowing that it's the best one can do considering the circumstances there. I'm also thankful that this kind of exposure was given, and that Anthony handled it with as much compassion as one can when writing a show from an oppressed country. The exposure he gave was this... the current regime isn't fooling anyone anymore. And he asked questions that frankly, I think took some cojones to ask. Could he have asked harder questions? Maybe. But you ask those when the Khmer Rouge has vacated the premises, not when they're still there or may still be lingering about. It's not safe.
Best line in the episode for me was while at the baseball game... the one about "the brutal dicatorship" not allowing beer to be served at the games... that was classic.
But I digress. There's also the other side; the ones who believe Bourdain should not have gone to Cuba, should not have eaten in restaurants, should not have done this episode. I respect their opinions. I respect it, because as Bourdain noted there are a lot of feelings surrounding Cuba. It's hard for people like my parents to look at something like this and feel okay with it. It's not okay, because again, something happened in 1959 that resulted in them having to leave the country they loved. For many, there is nothing Anthony Bourdain could have done that would have made this episode right, except not to do it. I agree with this group, and I respect that view as I respect and love my parents.
At the same time, I respect Bourdain for being respectful of these sentiments. You will never do it "right", you can only do it as best you can, and I believe he did. I understand Bourdain's desire to go to Cuba even more than he does, because my parents have lived and continue to live Cuba for me since childhood. Some choose not to go. I had to go. Not for the buildings and the cars of course, but for roots. To fill the void of a place that existed only in my head. Thankfully, I went to Cuba and found that the Cuba I loved had already been given to me by my parents. I'm eternally grateful to them for that.
I could say a lot more but I won't.
So again, this Cuban-American will not be black-listing No Reservations, and I will continue to record each episode on my DVR in an expression of solidarity with Mr. Bourdain. Actually, let me not make THAT big a deal out of it... IT'S JUST A TV SHOW. I'll keep recording it because I like it a lot.
And yes, that 7 year rum is that good.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Cuba - In Anticipation


No Reservations is, without question, my favorite TV show. It's the only show I will make sure I don't miss at first-run. Bourdain is cool, he's smart, and he loves pork. You can't beat that. And any self-proclaimed leftist secure enough in his ideology to hang out with Ted Nugent is okay by me.
This is not a political post. True that in this photo I'm standing in front of El Capitolio, the former Capitol building of Cuba. But remember, this building is now occupied by pigeons and bats and is not used as a governmental facility, so no this is not a political post.
I'm really looking forward to seeing this episode of No Reservations. But like every Cuban-American who cares about this stuff, I'm wondering what we will see. What will Bourdain say? What position, if any, will he take?
I will be watching it and filtering it through my own perspective. That of a Cuban-American son, raised in the exile community of Miami, who has visited Cuba himself.
I plan on posting again once I have seen the episode. So as you read this and forthcoming, here are some things you need to know.
I was born in the USA of Cuban parents who left the island in the early 60's.
No, my parents weren't rich land-owners.
Yes, both my parents went to private school but it was affordable and both my grandfathers worked hard to make it happen.
No, my parents did not live in an expansive villa. Both grew up in the equivalent of row-house apartments on the main drag of a colonial town just outside of Havana.
One grandfather was a rough-carpenter. The other was a military man. My dad worked for H.Upman Cigars in Havana. He loved his job.
My mom became a Christian at a retreat put on by a Baptist church. Both my parents met in their small Methodist private school.
My dad lifted weights with his cousin in the kitchen of his house. It was a small kitchen, but the house was small too, so there wasn't room anywhere else to put a bench and lift weights, so they used the kitchen. As they drank a soft-drink called Malta mixed with condensed milk to bulk up, my grandmother put up with their workout regimen. They were regular kids.
My sister was born in a small row-house as well. My dad had one goal in mind; make enough money to put my sister in the same Methodist school he went to. A Christian education was important for my parents.
My family was not wealthy, they weren't very educated, and they were happy. Think Irish-American family in a Boston suburb with a Chevy Nova, a dog and Catholic Mass twice a year. That was my family, except Episcopalian/Methodist with a dog named "Negrita".
Hopefully, you get the picture. I come from a long line of blue-collar workers trying to make a living. They weren't rich, but if you asked them, they had it all.
Why write all this? Well, there's a myth that's been going around for years that all those folks who left Cuba in the early days of the revolution were rich and greedy. A good-riddance type of attitude surrounds that myth. This is simply not true. I mean, it's true that a lot of wealthy people did leave Cuba. After all, there was a lot of wealth in Cuba before the revolution. Some of it was ill-gotten of course. But there were a lot of good families who made their own way, and made a way for other people; people like my family. And I just don't have the right to lump everyone together as "greedy" and corrupt. I've known some of these families here in the States. They are good hard-working people, and have proven this by recreating a good life for their families here.
And my father and mother found themselves leaving Cuba along with them. I asked my dad once, "So, why did you leave Cuba?" He answered, "My cousin asked me the same question, before I left. I asked him 'Nelson, if I stay here, can I keep working at my job, put my daughter in the school of my choosing, can I go to church on Sundays, and can I come home at the end of the day and not have other people interfere in my life?' His answer was no. So I said, 'Then I can't stay here.'"
Cuba always raises interesting opinions for those who really do care about Cuba, or pseudo-intellectuals. On one side are many who marvel at how great the revolution was. Most of these people live in freedom, ironically enough, and their idea of oppression is not being able to get a doppio espresso from a cafe that isn't Starbucks. On the other side you have those who lived to run from the revolution, or were burned by it. Everyone who cares has an opinion one way or the other, and it seems every opinion has a shred of truth to it.
When it comes to Cubans in exile though, truth is in the experience. Perception is reality. They lived it, and in Miami, you can still feel the tension in the air when certain names are mentioned; when memories are brought up. Memories of pain, of separation, of shame. It's a lot to take in, especially when a Cuban stops talking (a feat in and of itself) and you get a glimpse of the eyes. Take a long hard look into those eyes. If you do, all your opinions, all your pontificating stops. There is a sadness there that tells you something horrible happened, and you need to just shut up. Something went wrong in 1959. Things changed and not everyone was happy about it. Things changed and many good people just trying to make a living and provide for their families suffered. Some were imprisoned. Many were tortured or executed. Things changed and many people, like my parents, who never imagined they would live anywhere other than Cuba, had no choice but to leave.
The Che T-Shirts lose their appeal when you look into the eyes of someone who was there.
I saw the same eyes in an episode of No Reservations last season, when Bourdain went to Cambodia. A few noble women shared their stories of the horrors experienced by the Cambodian people at the hands of the Khmer Rouge. The stories sounded similar to those suffered historically by so many great nations and cultures. It was painful to watch. In the end though, I was glad Bourdain took that approach and let their story be told. You need to hear the whole story, and I think he did an incredible job with that episode.
For Cuba, the story is just as complex. What I mean is, you can't go to Cuba and think you are getting the whole story. I don't think you can come to Miami and get the whole story either.
What do I hope I'll see in this episode? I hope I see a portrayal of Cuba as it is today; that's it. I don't need to see how bad it is, or how good it is. Just show me what's there.
I hope we don't see Bourdain drooling at stories of how great the revolution was for Cuba.
I hope Bourdain is smart enough to see through the propaganda.
I'm hoping I'll see real people, not just the Cuban elite and wealthy... all 10 of them.
I'm hoping I'll see some interviews with dissidents.
If he eats at someones home, I'm hoping I'll hear how long it took that family to come up with the food to prepare that meal and how many resources they had to pull together. I'm also hoping I won't hear a reference to "the embargo" being the reason why that family struggles. If I hear that, I think my head will explode. That argument is so old, not a single Cuban I spoke with in Cuba would agree with it.
I can always hope. In all this stuff I mean... not that my head will explode. I hope that Bourdain will treat the Cuba story with the same respect he gave the Cambodia story.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Johnny Walker and King James

This is an email I sent to some men from our church. Twice a month, we get together for The Eagle & Child Men's Forum, where we attempt to have substantive conversation over food, drink and cigars. We've been meeting for 2 years now, and as the group has grown we've had some guys raise questions over Christians and alcohol consumption. I sent this email to the men, and I got some good feedback so I'm posting it here now:

Since starting the Eagle & Child Men’s Forum 2 years ago, I have never really addressed the issue of Christians and drinking. The main reason for not touching on this subject is that I personally feel this is one of MANY issues that cloud deeper issues of the heart.

You can easily spend hours talking about alcohol – everything from why it is a sin, why it is not sin, why we should or shouldn’t drink, why Joe-Christian really isn’t a believer because he had a beer, why Dude-Alcoholic needs to get a grip, all the way down to what is your favorite drink, the best beer, wine, vodka, etc.... People on all sides get angry, tempers flare, fights ensue and the next thing you know everyone really DOES need a drink; y’know… to take the edge off. Hours are spent “tackling” the issue of alcohol.

The pious man goes home feeling really good about himself.

The agnostic goes home feeling he clarified his lack of commitment to either side, because he just doesn’t know.

The “casual” drinker feels he defended his right to have a drink well, and goes home for a nightcap; oblivious to his own addiction.

The alcoholic quietly leaves, distraught over the fact that once again, nobody really understands his pain and prison.

The latter is the one I am most concerned with here. If you’re the pious man, you have bigger fish to fry and we can’t really help you until you start getting over how great you are.

Because we are a “church” group (whatever that means) in the eyes of some, and because our group is growing, I feel clarification is in order.

I believe some men use alcohol in much the same way other men use the Bible.


I believe men can hide behind a glass of Scotch the way other men can hide behind a King James. Both can be used to self-medicate; one with a buzz, the other with self-righteousness. Both can also be used to mask the real issues of the heart that go unaddressed for a lifetime. Some men live their lives to a ripe old age, hiding behind career, sex, church, religion, intellect, X-Box, theology, unbelief, empire-building, laziness, food, TV… whatever, always avoiding self-examination. They never face their real issues as real men should, preferring to hide behind their excuses and self-loathing; making sure the world is always revolving around them, and also at a safe distance.

The man who has identified himself as an alcoholic instantly has my respect and admiration because he has begun his journey of self-examination; a journey of honesty and grace. It’s a journey that I’m on in fact, recovering from a life of addiction to self-absorption, lust and pride, and a life of hiding behind all kinds of different things. I still have a long way to go.

The quote that defines the Eagle & Child Men’s Forum from G.K. Chesterton reads “Because we are imperfect, we need friendships to fill up the imperfections”. Whatever path you are on, please know that Eagle & Child is a place to come and be yourself. Eagle and Child is not a place for drinking and smoking. However, we do drink and smoke… and eat sausage, chips… sometimes sliders and nachos. We also drink Coke and Sprite and on occasion Cuban coffee or red-eye gravy and country ham. It is a place of honesty and really, just a night to hang out with other guys and relax. If you have struggled with any of these issues I hope this email cleared some things up.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

How Times Have Changed

From Spurgeon's Morning & Evening, to one type of person he says:

"These words may answer your scruples, devout reader, concerning the ordinances. Perhaps you say, “I should be afraid to be baptized; it is such a solemn thing to avow myself to be dead with Christ, and buried with him. I should not feel at liberty to come to the Master’s table; I should be afraid of eating and drinking damnation unto myself, not discerning the Lord’s body.”

And to another type of person he says:

"You think, poor seeker, that you are not allowed to rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory; if you are permitted to get inside Christ’s door, or sit at the bottom of his table, you will be well content. Ah! but you shall not have less privileges than the very greatest. "

Both very humble expectations of the readers. As I read this I thought how different his audience is today; how different I am. Today, the average Christian wouldn't feel unworthy to be Baptized, but would rather spend time questioning the various methods of baptism, or question the church performing the baptism. Rather than run with desperate and humble knowledge of his sin to be baptized, he would spend a few years thinking about baptism because maybe it's all just meaningless ritual. The LAST thing on our minds today is our unworthiness because after all, the sun rises and sets on my comfort, how I feel, and what is owed to me.

Do I feel as if I am not allowed to rejoice with "joy unspeakable"? Do I think I would be content enough to sit at the bottom of His table?

No.

I believe I have rights, and those rights extend to worship. I have the right the worship to the kind of music I like. I have the right to participate in sacraments, or not to. I have the right to attend the church I like, after I've perused all the channels and found the one that fits me, with the right looking people who say the right things and do the right things (based on my criteria of course).

Spurgeon's reader is vastly different from the readers of his lifetime. We are spoiled. God used Spurgeon to reveal this about me this morning.

Spurgeon also says:

"When the Holy Ghost has given you to feel the spirit of adoption, you may come to Christian ordinances without fear."

Come without fear. And in case we have forgotten, come humbly.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Maniacs

"Shall I tell you where the men are who believe most in themselves? For I can tell you. I know of men who believe in themselves more colossally than Napoleon or Caesar. I know where flames the fixed star of certainty and success. I can guide you to the thrones of the Supermen. The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums… " - Chesterton, Orthodoxy, Chapter 2 - The Maniac

I bought the audio book and this passage fascinated me. By virtue of this passage, Miami is full of lunatics, and I struggle everyday to get out of the asylum and at least into the outer gardens.

We are all so self-confident; materialists and narcissists.

We love our Facebook posts where we can write about our jobs and our cars, or show our empty faceless empathy and "caring".

We love our careers and our achievements; our vanity and our beauty.

We love our anger, and protect it with all the self-confidence of a 2 year old hugging his toy car to his chest screaming "mine!".

We love our augmentations, lifts, and shallowness.

There is insanity in Miami of the worst kind. And of course, this insanity is not Miami specific but if you live here, you know what I mean. Just look at all the Mercedes, BMW's and Bentley's flowing out of West Kendall and Hialeah; vehicles to house our insecurity at the risk of our souls and families.

We want it all and we want everyone to believe we did it on our own.

Some people see belief in God as a mark of the insane; a false hope, a belief held by simple folk. Chesterton asks, what is crazier... belief in God, or belief in yourself?

I think belief in yourself is not only insane, but the worst kind of dishonesty and ignorance.

Orthodoxy is a great book. I'm enjoying it immensely.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Glenn Beck, Jim Wallis and Social Justice - Revised

I've been following this whole Glen Beck vs. Jim Wallis battle royale over Social Justice, and the use of that term by Christian institutions. I also just finished reading an article written by the Rev. Wallis on The Huffington Post entitled, "What Glenn Beck Doesn't Understand About Biblical Social Justice" .

Glenn Beck makes a great point about the use of the term social justice. At the same time Rev. Wallis also brings up some good points. Read the article and you'll see what I mean.

My problem with the term social justice is its use and implementation in the work of the Gospel, when the work of the Gospel (spreading the good news) should stand on its own. In other words, stick to the original formula. The beauty of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that it is transcendent and eternal. No ideological system can touch it, because it is simply true and because it goes beyond mere ideology.

So why take something so simplistic, so earthly, as the idea of "social justice" and add it to the language of the Gospel? The only reason I can think of is to force similar sounding ideology to a truth that doesn't need it. When that happens, we can only assume something is up; there are games afoot.

“Our political philosophy is, representative democracy and social justice in a well planned economy.” So said Fidel Castro, on camera, in English, just prior to the success of the revolution.

So we have the use of the term "Social Justice" tacked on to the ministry of the church, followed by Christian college and seminary students all over the U.S.A. wearing Che Guevara t-shirts and celebrating socialism because gee, it sounds really good and besides, that t-shirt looks really cool.

Here's another quote:

"Fascism and Communism, like all other evils, are potent because of the good they contain or imitate... And of course their occasion is the failure of those who left humanity starved of that particular good." - C.S. Lewis

Redistribution of wealth sounds really good in the context of the church, meaning the Body of Christ. As Christians we believe it, and we should live it. In fact I think we do, though of course, maybe not as well as we ought to be (the point Lewis is making above). We can always do better, but that's part of the growth process; our walk of sanctification.

But in case some Christians missed it (especially those who study and teach the Bible for a living), the Bible is a mirror. Looking into it, we see that we are broken, full of sin, and unable to do any good outside of Christ. I'm not speaking of doing good acts; anybody Christian or not can do good works on occasion. The Bible speaks of something deeper, and shows us our true nature. Our hearts betray our best wishes and good intentions. We are full of darkness, and this is what the Bible teaches us.

Social justice as defined, can only work in the context of Gospel believing Christians, at best. By at best I mean, it is still flawed because we will not achieve true social justice in this world. As long as we are here, it won't work. Do we stop being the Christians God called us to be? Of course not. As the church, we strive to live out the Gospel, to serve, to love and to give until it hurts. But, unless the church is in the business of assisting tyrants to rise to power, I would suggest staying away from adopting terminology that will end up being used as justification for conquest, control, and ultimately slavery. Some would say this is a stretch; that I am simply exagerating. However to say that I am exagerating is the same as saying there has been no past, current, and will be no future attempt to undermine the message of love and redemption offered by the Gospel. To say that, my friends, would be ignorant and naive at best, foolish and disastrous at worst.

Redistribution of wealth, outside of a Gospel context will always result in oppression, not equality and certainly not justice.

Finally I would just like to go on record and say that while I agree a lot with Glenn Beck, he is the last person Christians should be listening to in matters of the Gospel because well, he is a Mormon and not a Christian. Regardless, as Americans we should listen to Glenn Beck because his warnings on the deceptive nature of social justice are true.

To the Rev. Wallis and other Christians who should know better, stop trying to be relevant and re-package the Gospel as if it were something to be sold. Christianity is and always has been relevant because it is true, and transcendent truth does not require our assistance. The Gospel is the very definition of justice. Leave it alone.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The March


Primero que nada, Partagas Benji Master Series cigar... amazing. Smoking it right now. One of the best I've ever had.


Tonight, I missed meeting with my brothers from other mothers at our Eagle & Child forum. Instead, I attended the march organized by Emilio and Gloria Estefan to stand in solidarity with Las Damas De Blanco (the Ladies in White).


I don't know what the final numbers are, but I guarantee you there were several thousands gathered there today; mostly Cubans of course, but folks from different nationalities as well. Flags I saw represented there; Argentina, Chile, Nicaragua, Spain, Colombia, Venezuela, United States of America.

Gloria Estefan gave an amazing speech, honoring Las Damas, and their peaceful and lonely battle for freedom. These women persevere; they are tenacious. As we were meeting in their honor, they were walking the streets of Havana, again, bruised and beaten; never giving up their struggle. Mr. and Mrs. Estefan walked with us; as did other local celebrities. Of course, most people couldn't help but notice they were there. But their celebrity status didn't seem to obscure the intent of the march. The crowd and the organizers did everything with great reverence and tact.

A prayer was given by a local clergyman. His prayer was powerful. A moment of silence was observed (it wasn't too long though. After all, we are Cuban and we don't deal with silence very well).

The National Anthem of our beautiful country, the land that lovingly embraced our parents and grandparents, was played and yes, sung by the throngs of people gathered their. I was so moved by it, I could barely sing along. Watching the American flags flying high next to the Cuban flags makes so much sense to me. A dance of red, white and blue, signifying pride and loss; life and liberty.

When the Cuban Anthem was played, there was pain in the voices. It was sung louder than the American Anthem of course. But still, one couldn't help but notice the mixture of pride and loss in the voices.

The best part of the march was being able to experience it with my 11 year old daughter, my father and my mother.

The "old guard" of Cubans was amazing to see too. These are the ones who really appreciate what the United States represents. You can see it in their sage faces. Their eyes have a wisdom from a life experience that has allowed them to appreciate this country as much as the greatest American patriot. They have felt the sting of oppression, and the exhilaration of liberty. I love being with them; especially my mom and dad. It's hard though, because even after more than 50 years, their wounds are still fresh.

It's late, I'm tired and I think I'm rambling. But most of all, I'm hurting tonight for the Cuban people; even for those who are inflicting pain on others who are crying out for that liberty. There is so much anger and rage and confusion in that place of loss and memory.

My little girl went to bed late tonight. She was really tired. She asked me if she should request a prayer for Las Damas tomorrow at school. I told her it was a great idea. I'll pray with her before she goes to school. I think I'll have a talk with God now too, over this cigar.






Monday, March 22, 2010

Cuba Blog


Time to let the cat out of the bag. I went to Cuba in December, and contrary to popular belief, there are still cats in Cuba (meaning they are no longer part of a daily diet).

I went to Cuba because an opportunity opened up for me to go, and because I just had to go. There was a time last year where I had made a firm decision that I would never go, caught up in anger and pain over the injustices that are occurring on the island. Then I realized that there are people there, and that these people are desperate for something; anything besides the life of despair they live in. I met amazing people, cried with them, laughed with them; even met family I never knew existed because of time, pain and polarization. Going to Cuba changed me, yes. But more importantly, the Gospel changed me yet again. The term "Cubanaso Gospel" has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

I'm still working on my photo blog. The reality of Cuba makes me feel I need to be selective with the photos I post, lest I jeopardize people on the island. But it's a great story. I hope you enjoy it.

Here's the photo blog.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Me

I woke up this morning feeling guilty and regretful over things thought, and things said and done. It was one of those moments where you reluctantly wake up and all your assurance is out the window. If you're sure about your agnosticism, you're not so sure at that moment. If you're sure about your God, you feel completely exposed and unsure at that moment. You know what I'm talking about.

I then proceeded to do something else you are all familiar with; I began building my argument of defense. I defined who was at fault, I concocted reasons for my behavior. I came up with some pretty good arguments in fact, strong and solid reasons why I was not completely to blame (you always leave room for some self-deprecation; you know -- always allow for the appearance of humility.)

I sent the family off to school and the day. Still feeling uneasy, I decided to sit down and read from a devotional book I purchased earlier this year. If anyone is interested, I highly recommend it. It's called Whiter Than Snow -Meditations on Sin and Mercy, by Paul David Tripp.

These are some excerpts of what I read:

"It was one of those times when you go where your desires and emotions are leading you. It was one of those situations when you know you should stop or walk away but feel you can't."

"...I knew I couldn't back away from this little moment (of regret). I knew I had to own my sin."

"The minute I thought this, an inner struggle began. 'I wasn't the only one at fault. If he hadn't said what he said, I wouldn't have become angry. I was actually pretty patient for much of the conversation.' These were some of the arguments I was giving myself."

"Rather than appealing to the mercy of the Lord in the face of my sin, what I actually do instead is function as my own defense lawyer and present a list of arguments for my own righteousness."

"Before you can ever make a clean and unamended confession of your sin, you have to first begin by confessing your righteousness."

Wow.

Ceci and I were talking yesterday about people who it seems God is always having conversations with, and how a lot of those people are likely having conversations with Popeye the Sailor Man and Pluto as well.

Well I haven't been receiving messages from Bugs Bunny lately, but God definitely did speak to me this morning; gave me a swift kick in the ass, too.

I always say that this blog is for my children. When I say that, I don't mean so they can see how great their dad was, but who their dad was. It's hard to get honest. It's hard to put the blame on yourself. It's not much of an ego boost to get slapped in the face with the knowledge that you can't blame anyone else for anything going on in your life; that you need to own your stuff.

Sorry kids. I wish this blog could be about how great I am. The truth is however, I'm not so great. What I can tell you is this. I am His. I am broken, and I am His.

The greatest deterrent to me being able to get up in the morning and make silly statements in my head like, "I'm back on track" or "Ready to face the day" or any other "new start" comments we tell ourselves as we try to cover up our missteps and stumbling, is that "my sin is always before me". And on days like today, when I wake up blaming everyone and everything for who I am inside (who we all are inside), God slaps me in the face rather quickly and reminds me:

I am broken, I am His.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Calling Out Your Name


My church printed this article I wrote, along with this photo, in our bulletin. For perspective, I attend Granada Presbyterian Church in Coral Gables, thus the "Granada Man" comment.

That’s me, New Years Day, 1981. My dad took me to the Miccosukee Indian Village. The whole family went, actually. But I don’t remember being with the family much that day. All I remember is being with my dad, the vast expanse of saw grass under a clear blue sky, men wrestling alligators, a beautiful young Miccosukee girl, and a knife for sale in the gift shop I wanted… badly.

This photo represents so many things to me. It represents those precious days of my youth; those rare occasions when we got out of the old neighborhood in the Miami suburbs to enjoy the natural treasures that surround us. We can miss them, these occasions, if we don’t take the time to experience them.

This photo also represents for me the heart of every man. The heart that cries out to be unleashed and experience this adventure called life. It is a heart that cannot be tamed. As I looked out over the saw grass, images of unexplored territory and trails to be carved came rushing in. There is danger at every turn. There are gators, panthers, bears… oh my. A person could die out there. Then I thought, cool.

So, here I am so many years later, still with so much left to explore. I find myself surrounded by other men; brothers with the same desire to explore and to conquer; to live. But it’s not just about cutting trails with machetes or catching a big fish to cook over an open fire. It’s about being the men God called us to be. We are not tamed, but we are His. What does that mean? It means we search Him out daily. We carve the trails, not because we are lone rangers on a selfish quest for vainglory; that is what small men do. We explore the wild and we explore it as brothers, because we desire to live out this adventure with Him, and for His glory; a quest we cannot seek on our own. Our hearts are calling out His name. This is at the heart of the men’s ministry we call, Granada Man.

And the single hawk bursts into flight
And in the east the whole horizon is in flames
I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name –Rich Mullins-


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Looking for Moments

I'm giving a homily (mini-sermon) tonight for Advent. For the 3rd week of Advent, my homily revolves around Moses' fear, and remembering the freedom from bondage offered by Christ, which is what Christmas is all about. Christ the Deliverer, coming to redeem the world in the most peculiar way.


SO, keep it short and sweet; that's what I've been told about homilies. The question for me is, how do I get the message to connect?


Whenever I preach or am asked to speak before a crowd, I'm reminded of how difficult it must be for pastors who stand at the pulpit every Sunday. You're trying to connect with the congregation. Hopefully, you're not trying to manipulate the congregation emotionally; you simply want to communicate truth and pray that God will use your words to impact the listener, or at least prompt the listener to think about the truth you just shared.


So tonight, my intent is to prompt the listener to drop the "Praise the Lord!" mask (most of the attendees are people who confess Christ as their Savior; they are decent people, but we, myself included, need to be reminded daily that we are not all that) and stand naked before The Deliverer. My prayer is that God would pierce the heart of at least 1 person within the sound of my voice, to make that person question where they are in their spiritual ghetto (a ghetto of misguided self-righteousness and flippant treatment of our faith), and start getting honest about who they are in relation to God.


We are a people looking for moments. By moments, I mean we are all looking for those emotional, inspiring moments to confirm whatever one may believe. So this isn't limited to Christians. You can be a Wiccan, and be inspired by the story of a soldier coming home and be brought to tears. You can be an "enlightened one" (my term for someone who is open to everything except Jesus) and be moved by watching a child help an old lady cross the street. When 9/11 happened, the world entire was moved to tears and there was an outpouring of emotion and inspiration that followed; for a time at least.

And that's how it is for Christians. We look for "Hallelujah!" moments to inspire us. I don't reject those moments, I just question their frequency. I meet Christians who are "just so blessed", all the time, that it makes me wonder sometimes how they could handle all that time on the mountaintop and not have their hair turn white, like Moses. Then I wonder if maybe my life is lacking spiritually, because "Man! This guy is at the foot of God's throne 24/7! Does he ever feel defeated? Does he ever struggle?"

All that to say that my homily tonight is directed to my own heart and the listeners. A call to honesty; to stop looking for the "Hallelujah!" moments, and realize that those moments come when we acknowledge how screwed up we really are. If my goal is to be a Super-Christian, trying to convince the world how special I am and that they can be special too if they will just walk down that aisle, then I miss out on the beauty of the comfort of my Father's embrace when I acknowledge that I am broken. If my goal is to try to do "good deeds" and hope that karma will return the favor by making my life better... well we all know that doesn't really work; that is, if we're honest.

I thank God for being real enough to come to me in real-time, and in real life.




Friday, November 21, 2008

The Second Opinion Today

My good friend Cameron and a few of his buddies in the medical field started a political blog, The Second Opinion Today. As usual, anything I post that smacks of politics will be a link to smarter and more capable people than I in the political arena.

So... what he said.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Misha's Cupcakes


I know. What the heck am I doing blogging about cupcakes?

Well, this weekend was my niece's bridal shower. Family and friends alike all did their part to make this event memorable. My wife and I bought the cake for the event. We bought it at Misha's Cupcakes on US-1 in Coral Gables. The actual cake is pictured above. I didn't attend the bridal shower, but I was told the cake and cupcakes were delicious.
But the yummy cake, unfortunately, is not the focus of my post. I would like to bring your attention to the plastic tier on which it sits.
On the night of the shower, my wife handed me the stand and said, 'Hold on to this. We have to return it to Misha's Cupcakes'. 'Sure', I said. As I was holding it, I rested the base of it ever so lightly against my leg, and the bottom plastic plate cracked and fell off.
The stand is made up of 5 individual plastic parts. The bottom detachable plate, which separates from the other 5 parts, broke off.
Today, we returned the stand to Misha's Cupcakes. Misha's Cupcakes charged us $100.00 for the bottom plastic plate. They were cutting us a break, you see. Originally, they intended to keep my niece's check for deposit, which totaled $150.00.
I was not impressed with their attempt at generosity.
And yes, you heard right. I now own a cheap plastic disk which I purchased for $100.00.
Actually, I don't own it. Misha's Cupcakes keeps the stand, and will now pick out a cheap plastic disk from their storage, add it to the other 4 plastic pieces and... voila! And again, voila!... I am out $100.00.
The word has already gone out through other channels. This is unjust, unfair,and flat out wrong. Actions like this are the reason businesses fail so often in Miami. The customer is expendable, and usually wrong.
A friend of mine already sent an email to Misha's Cupcakes, expressing his displeasure with the whole situation. Misha's Cupcakes responded in typical Miami fashion... tell me if you've heard this before:
"When your order was made we made it clear that there was a $150 deposit for failure to return the tier, or if it was damaged. When the order was picked up, the customer signed the tier rental form stating this, which is an acceptance and agreement to these terms. So, when the tier was broken, the completion of these terms is to forfeit the deposit. There were no surprises, no ugliness, just following through with exactly what was stated would happen if the tier was not returned, or if it was damaged. I am very sorry you feel the need to spread negativity for something that was your own fault. I think more fairly you should take responsibiliity for your own actions. I would never want to lose a reasonable customer, but unfortunately you are not reasonable."
AHHHH! Sorry.
So, I am unreasonable because I think $150.00, and yes even $100.00, is a bit much to pay for a 13" plastic disk. I am also supposed to say, "Well golly, I did sign a rental agreement, so I guess it's fair to pay $100.00 for a plastic disk I can pick up for under $5.00 wholesale (I'm assuming)."

I would be willing to pay for the amount Misha's Cupcakes paid for the plastic disk. That would be fair. $150.00 is a great incentive to make customers bring back the tier, and totally justifiable. But to charge someone $100.00 for a broken piece of plastic is wrong in principle. But we like to wipe our rear ends with principle in Miami, don't we? It's like it's our job.

Miami seems to be a place full of "gotcha!" moments. Go buy a car, "gotcha!" on the price. Go buy a property, "Gotcha!" with misinformation.

Misha's Cupcakes, you got me. Congratulations. I'm sure there was a sense of empowerment there for a moment, along with a warped sense of benevolence that came along with your decision to cut me a break at $100.00. I feel extremely sad for you, especially since I found out this afternoon that you have done this before.

So if you live in Miami, PLEASE TELL ME THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN WITH PRINCIPLES. I'm dying to find out if the idea of good and fair business practices still exist in Miami, because crap like this really makes me wonder who my neighbors are.
Finally, I love that I am now "spreading negativity". I guess I'm supposed to take being ripped off and say "Thaaanks!" on the way out. Amazing.
So I for one will not be going back to Misha's Cupcakes again. And if you go, be careful when you sign that agreement that says you will return and not break a flimsy plastic tier! Treat that baby like gold, or it will be the most expensive piece of plastic you ever bought! Take pictures, and for God's sake, carry the used plastic and already slightly marred and cracked tier as you would a Faberge Egg!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Struggling

Honesty brings out a lot of demons. No wonder we walk through life faking it. Otherwise, most of us would be a wreck.

It's easier to play a role. You can be a champion today, if you put on the right mask. "Today, I'm going to take on the world, and nothing is going to stop me." and "It's a new day!" and "God loves me when I'm cheerful and doing his work.".

Ugh.

When that doesn't work, there are other roles to play. "I am a victim. The world is against me. Oh well, I (dramatic pause)... guess that's just the way it is...".

Right now, in my full-disclosure role, I'm really struggling. Someone knows most of my shit, and it's not fun. Not fun at all.

There is nowhere to hide anymore, and I welcome the struggle.

Getting honest with yourself isn't about therapy. If it was all about me, then it's just more self-centered garbage. Getting honest is about getting yourself in a position of vulnerability, so you can help others realize they're dealing with a lot of the same stuff you're dealing with, that you know it, and you're calling them out on it.

So, I'm struggling today. Um, nothing else to say but that. A reminder for me the next time I visit my blog again... you know... when I'm not struggling because I'm faking it again.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Beware of Christianity

I've made a deal with a dear friend of mine, and have entered into full disclosure with him. This means that we both decided it was time for us to cut through the BS and be honest with someone else about everything; our fears, sins past and present and likely future, and everything in between.

I'm not sure what this is called in psycho-babble, but in our Christian faith it is called confession. Now it's one thing to do this with a God you think may be there, but you can't see his face; or if you're a Catholic, behind a veiled wall to a priest who can't see who you are. Both of these are a good start. But it's another thing altogether when you have to look someone in the eye and tell them everything.

I thought it would be liberating, because that's the impression you get. We've all heard the term 'get it off your chest'.

It seems, however, that God does not let us off that easy.

Confession means to be honest about who you are. Not just about a lie you said last Saturday that your wife caught you in, but every lie not caught as well. Confession and full disclosure is good, not because it is 'liberating', though it can be. Confession and full disclosure with another brother or sister, in confidence and face to face, is good because it is part of repentance.

My blog is about cigars, rum and grace. But grace without honesty just doesn't happen. We can talk about, write some really heady stuff about it. But without honesty, you can't really start grasping the essence of grace.

Christianity is dangerous, but not because of it's zealous throngs carrying the label on their t-shirts and signs. Christianity is dangerous because it is the only world-view that forces us to honestly address the fact that, as Rich Mullins put it, 'we are not as strong as we think we are'.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Okay... For REAL This Time


I'm starting to blog again; mostly because I need to get the creative juices flowing.


Before I begin, a poem in 2 parts, sent me by Smokin' Joe, which fits the theme of my blog quite well:


Part One: The Law


THIS Indian weed now wither'd quite,

Tho' green at noon, cut down at night,

Shows thy decay;All flesh is hay.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


The pipe, so lily-like and weak,

Does thus thy mortal state bespeak

Thou art ev'n such,Gone with a touch.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


And when the smoke ascends on high,

Then thou behold'st the vanity

Of worldy stuff,

Gone with a puff.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


And when the pipe grows foul within,

Think on thy soul defil'd with sin;

For then the fire, It does require.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


And seest the ashes cast away;

Then to thyself thou mayest say,

That to the dust

Return thou must.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


Part Two: The Gospel


WAS this small plant for thee cut down!

So was the Plant of great renown;

Which mercy sends

For nobler ends.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


Doth juice medicinal proceed

From such a naughty foreign weed?

Then what's the power

Of Jesse's flower?

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


The promise, like the pipe, inlays,

And by the mouth of faith conveys

What virtue flows

From Sharon's rose.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


In vain th' unlighted pipe you blow;

Your pains in outward means are so,

Till heav'nly fire

The heart inspire.

Thus think, and smoke tobacco.


The smoke, like burning incense, tow'rs;

So should a praying heart of yours,

With ardent cries,

Surmount the skies.


Thus think, and smoke tobacco.--

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The View from Down Here

The one major difference between Christianity and all other religions is Grace. I'm sure there are many more differences we can find. But Grace is where Christianity goes its own way and stands alone.

While other religions seek to bring their followers to a higher level of enlightenment or salvation by making them work and strive to better themselves (however that religion defines bettering), Christianity says to EVERYONE, 'you'll never make it on your own'.

So bottom line is, the only condition for being a Christian is to believe in Christ and all that he represents. There is nothing else to do. There is no work to do. There is no betterment to participate in. There is nobody to compete with. There is no cause to serve. Nothing is required of you, because it is already understood that there is nothing you can offer to a Holy God that will ever satisfy Him. There is nothing you or I could do to ever reach Him. He understands that. That is why He sacrificed Himself; because He wanted desperately to change that, and wanted desperately to be with you. Not so you could "be better", but because he just loves us.

So that's the view from down here. From up there, it's a different view.

Christians and those who call themselves Christians (by that I mean people who culturally or by heritage give themselves this title), have a tendency to hold a higher view of themselves. For that matter most people do, regardless of religious belief. It is our nature to do so. We want to believe we can achieve great things for our creator, if we believe in one or more, or we want to believe we can achieve great things to gain enlightenment.

So we build our proverbial towers to reach God. After all, the view from the top makes more sense; or at least that is what we believe. More than anything else, by nature and instinct, we believe we can reach the top (whatever the "top" is) on our own, and that it is our duty and our right to do so. Nobody wants to be at the bottom. Nobody wants to see themselves as "lesser". Nobody wants to feel small.

For Christians, it is to our disadvantage that we share this nature with the rest of the world. It's a disadvantage because it is exactly this nature that keeps us from experiencing our faith at a deeper level.

After all, if we believe the promises of Christ; that by His death and resurrection we are saved, but our nature tells us there is still something we have to do to reach Him or know Him, then we are truly at a great disadvantage.

So what is the view from down here? It is the view that says there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or any less than He already does.

That's it.

It is polar opposite from the the view up there; the view that complicates and clouds our vision of ourselves and God, and tells us there has GOT to be more to it than that.

The view from up there is called many things. I like to call it our sin-nature. Others call it original sin. It's the view that says, 'I can do this'. Some people think sex is sin. Others think being a politician is sin. Still others think gay=sin, abortion=sin. These days some people think being a Christian = sin (or mean, because most of those people don't believe sin exists).

"Sin" is our nature, and our nature is to rebel and reach whatever we are trying to reach on our own steam. Basically, 'sin' is who we are. We can't categorize it in to specific acts of disobedience.

To some this sounds horrible. To others it sounds simplistic. I guess that's why some believe and others don't.

For me it makes sense. I'm not saying 'This is my truth'. I'm saying this is truth.

God's grace is the reason Christ turned the world on it's head. There are many religions in the world; I hear that all the time. I also hear, 'With so many religions, how can you believe that Christianity is the only right one?'. Speaking from personal experience, Christianity is the only religion that, when approached honestly, makes sense in the whole realm of existence. It's the only worldview that stands on it own, because it is the only one that says you cannot know God until you recognize your utter and complete need of Him.

And no, I don't think this is arrogant. I don't think it is arrogance to say, "I can't do this on my own". There is more arrogance in saying, "I can make this happen on my own".

Perspective is a hell of a thing. I'll choose the view from down here. It's definitely not a comfortable place to be. I'd rather be where I can believe there is a "Secret", or a place where I can experience my "...Best Life Now". But then again, Jesus never said it would be easy.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Why I Haven't Been Blogging


Joshua Stephen Ruiz, born June 13, 2008. What a ride!